blogging against sexual violence #2

A poem, this time (written as spoken word style), that i read/performed at the TBTN speakout:

because see now, there's this demon that
rises up inside
rises up from the semen you
left inside
this demon that calls me dirty
calls me stupid
calls me useless.

and usually...i agree w/ him
usually, he's got me pinned to a T
because this demon you made,
this semen you left --
makes me all of these things
makes me a whore
makes me a slut -
makes me your slut.

and maybe, you own me now
maybe you own me now
from the vagina you penetrated
to the breasts you violated, but....
....
....

but what?
there is no "but"
there's no revival
there's no renewal
there's no "survival."
there's no "getting over," no "getting past"
this thing you left behind

because this will always be with me
and you will always be with me


Like
when i stare into her face -
i stare into yours
and when i'm kissing her -
i'm kissing you/you're kissing her
and when she makes me come -
you make me come
you seep out of me
you seep onto her
you've. contaminated. me.
you've. contaminated. her.


and recovery? is a fucking lie.
survival is a myth.
the only thing that survives is
you
destroying
this.