Wednesday, August 10, 2005

oh. my. good. lord.

found this via Bitch Ph.D's blog, and...I don't even know how to react to it.

Evidently, some employees of Playtime, an adult toy store in NJ, sent some letters and, um, gifts to some "newly liberated" women over in Iraq.

Excerpts from some of the letters:
Dear Iraqi Woman,

From what I've seen on the news, you and your fellow women have been suppressed for some time, and now that you've been liberated it is our thinking that we should spread love and hope. There's no better way to do that than with vibrators....
I'm also enclosing some Eros lube because it is one of the best lubes I have ever used and I think it will hold up well in the arid desert conditions.

Is this for real? I feel like a vagina's not going to dry up any more in "arid desert conditions" than it is in the New Jersey climate either, for that matter...

I hope that when you use this vibrator you realize that Americans do not hate you or your country.

Yes, please, think of America as you reach orgasm with your new vibrator. Oh, and don't be weirded out or anything by complete strangers sending you sex toys. I know that when I meet someone new who I desperately want not to hate me, I present them with sex toys. Nothing like an orgasm via stranger...

And, of course, some good ol' Iraqi-government bashing/America-as-savior rhetoric just has to be involved...

Soon your precious oil reserves will be plundered, and our country will no longer be important. A local despot will gain power, and the great cycle will continue. Enjoy your vibrator while you can. When my fellow Americans leave your country, it is highly unlikely that you will be able to enjoy it much longer.

And lastly, another example of something I'd never want to read in a letter from some strange woman in some weird country across the ocean:

The Sphincterine wipes will help you keep your anus and vagina minty fresh (I imagine things get a bit musky there in Iraq) and tasting great. The lube is one of the finest in the world and can really help enhance your pleasure.

The vibrator I am enclosing is the same as the model I personally use. It is so soft and bendable and features metal pleasure beads attached to the center shaft so the beads can continue to rotate regardless of how tight you clench! Trust me, it can be one wild ride!

(Not to mention how much I never want my vagina being described as "minty fresh"....)

I wish this was a joke, but I really can't say that it is.....

In other news, tally of annoying stupid children crying loudly in the library right now:
3, and counting.....

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